


as you stand by my grave

by bazookajo94



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - No Exy (All For The Game), Angst, Established Relationship, Fisticuffs, M/M, POV Andrew Minyard, Singer Neil Josten, Soft Neil Josten, back on my bullshit of thinking of the most random ways for them to flirt, you can pry the One Of Them Is A Good Singer trope from my cold dead hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:29:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28250922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazookajo94/pseuds/bazookajo94
Summary: Neil was singing in the shower again.Neil didn’t like to sing in front of other people. He thought no one could hear him, but Andrew always turned off the TV when Neil went to shower so Andrew could hear his low timbre through the wall, mixed with the spray of the water and echoing off the tiles of the small bathroom.Sometimes, it was a blessing Neil was so dumb.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 28
Kudos: 430





	as you stand by my grave

**Author's Note:**

> check end note for tw

Neil was singing in the shower again.

Nicky sighed dreamily, flopping his body over the arm of the couch as if in a swoon. He said, “Sometimes, it’s a blessing that Neil is so dumb.” Neil thought the noise of the shower was enough to drown him out. Neil didn’t like to sing in front of other people. He thought no one could hear him, but Andrew always turned off the TV when Neil went to shower before he left to his classes so Andrew could hear his low timbre through the wall, mixed with the spray of the water and echoing off the tiles of the small bathroom. Sometimes, it was a blessing Neil was so dumb.

“Though why does he always sing this song?” Nicky asked. “It’s depressing as fuck. Why did you have to introduce my son to your stupid Irish folk music?”

Andrew ignored Nicky, listening to Neil sing for the third time that morning,  _ fare thee well, my boy, as you wander this night.  _ He didn’t tell Nicky that Neil had been singing that song before they met.

*

Andrew met Neil for lunch, like he did every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. He met Neil outside his English class, and Neil smiled at him like he was delighted that Andrew met him for lunch every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, like they hadn’t been doing this since the start of the semester two months ago. Today, Andrew took Neil to the Korean barbeque place only a block away from campus.

Even though Andrew didn’t eat a lot of meat, Neil usually cooked the pork for Andrew, using the tiny tongs to place the small pieces of meat on top of Andrew’s kimchi before Neil cooked his own meat. Andrew never stopped Neil from serving him first.

“What did you want to do tonight?” Neil asked, flipping his wine-soaked steak on the grill. Andrew hated the smell of cooked beef. He held his breath as he took a bite—he used a fork because he didn’t have the same finesse as Neil at using chopsticks and didn’t care enough to try.

“I don’t care,” Andrew said.

Neil shook his head. “You always say that.”

“I never care.”

Neil snorted. Andrew hated him.

*

Andrew didn’t know how he ended the night blindfolded at his kitchen table, Neil and Aaron beside him, as Nicky, on the other side of the table and not blindfolded, dished up food for them to eat.

“This is literally so stupid,” Aaron said next to him.

“I’m excited,” Neil said.

“I don’t care,” Aaron sniped.

Andrew sat in silence.

“Guys, stop,” Nicky said. “This is going to be fun. I saw it on the internet.”

“Oh, and you try everything that’s on the internet?” Aaron asked sardonically.

“Are you sure you want to ask that?”

Aaron fake retched and said not more. Neil was as silent as Andrew, but Andrew could feel Neil’s arms brushing his, tense with excitement.

A few more minutes, and then Nicky placed a plate in front of each of them. “Okay! Go ahead.” Andrew heard his brother and Neil paw around for the food in front of them, and then he heard them snap off a bite of their cookies.

Andrew, much slower, reached in front of him and grabbed his own. He took a bite.

“Chips Ahoy,” Aaron said.

“The one with the elves,” Neil said. He thought for a minute. “Um, Rice Krispies?”

“Neil, do not tell me you think you just ate a rice crispy.”

“What’s a rice crispy?”

Nicky groaned, aggrieved and upset, and Andrew heard Aaron toss the rest of his cookie on his plate.

“This is so stupid,” Aaron said again.

“Famous Amos,” Andrew said. 

“Keebler brand,” Neil said as soon as he took his blindfold off and saw the box of Keebler brand cookies on the counter, along with the rest of the five brands of cookies they bought for this random, guess-the-brand-of-cookie game Nicky wanted them to play and Neil had said yes to. “That’s what I meant.”

“Well, we’ll know at the end, won’t we?” Nicky said, and then he batted both Andrew and Neil for taking their blindfolds off. “And, hello, stop? You’re supposed to stay blindfolded until the end.”

“That’s what she said,” Aaron said.

“We’re all gay here,” Nicky said.

“Are we?” Neil asked.

“Well, we’re all something. Put your blindfold back on. It’s time for round two.”

*

Neil was humming as he stepped out of his jeans for the night but kept his shirt on. Andrew changed into a pair of sweatpants and left his armbands on as he slipped between the covers. His back was against the wall and he was facing Neil, and Neil was laying ramrod straight on his back, but his expression was relaxed. His eyes closed as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was still humming. It was that song again. Andrew had heard it so many times, he knew what part Neil was humming, even without the lyrics:  _ be not feared in the darkness my heart is your light. _

Andrew meant to say,  _ I hate that song,  _ but what came out was, “I hate you.”

Neil stopped humming, but he smiled. “I know,” he said.

Andrew reached out a hand and pinched Neil’s nose to stop his breathing. Neil opened his mouth to breathe but he also laughed. He did not touch Andrew to push his hand away. Andrew, suddenly furious, shifted to straddle Neil’s hips, still pinching his nose. Neil’s hands were stiff by his side. His eyes were still closed.

Andrew wanted him to stop. He said, “I can cover your mouth.” He pressed at Neil’s lips with the fingers of his free hand. 

Neil pressed a soft kiss on the pads of Andrew’s fingers. “So do it,” he said.

Andrew leaned down.

*

“No Neil today?” Nicky asked the next morning.

Andrew didn’t bother to reply when obviously Neil wasn’t around. Neil had left around five that morning, saying he needed to get some things from his place before class. Andrew was getting up so he could drive him, but Neil had leaned in and peppered kisses down Andrew’s jaw to his neck, and by the time Andrew had pushed Neil away, he was too annoyed to want to drive him anywhere, to want to be around him at all. His chest was hot, and Neil had smiled at him as he slipped out the door.

Neil never let Andrew go to his dorm.

*

Sometimes Andrew saw Neil talking to a man named Kevin. Andrew didn’t know Kevin, and he didn’t want to know Kevin. He only acknowledged him in the capacity that he saw Kevin talking to Neil sometimes around campus, and they would speak in muted tones, and Kevin would ask Neil something, and Neil would get mad.

Kevin didn’t like Andrew. Andrew didn’t like Kevin. Kevin was the only person Andrew ever saw Neil interact with who wasn’t a part of Andrew’s family.

Andrew would ask Neil about Kevin, but Neil would always say, “I don’t want to talk about Kevin. He’s a dumbass. Hey, I heard a glow-in-the-dark putt-putt just opened up at the mall. Do you want to go check it out?”

“No,” Andrew would say, and then they’d go to the mall.

*

Andrew and Neil were taking a drive for the weekend. He didn’t know where they were going, but normally they just drove until one of them saw something interesting, and then they would park and get out and go.

“Jolene” by Dolly Parton came on the radio. They listened to the opening verse in silence, and then Neil sighed softly. “I love this song,” he said, his face propped in his hand as he looked out the window.

Andrew turned up the radio, and Neil started to sing along with Dolly in a strange but scary accurate southern belle accent.

“Secretly southern?” Andrew asked, surprised at the deep molasses of Neil’s mouth as he sang  _ my happiness depends on you _ .

Neil snorted a laugh. “No. I spent some time in Mississippi, though.”

“Why?” Andrew asked.

Neil shrugged. Andrew didn’t press for an answer. He listened to Neil sing the rest of the song in silence.

*

They stayed in a hotel that night. Andrew dropped their bag of souvenirs from the wildlife museum and spread them out on one of the two beds they had while Neil used the bathroom. When he came out, Neil saw the mess of one bed and Andrew sprawled in the middle of the other and asked, “Where do I sleep?”

“I don’t care.”

“Well, clearly I can’t use this bed. It’s covered in the two things we bought everyone.”

“Hm.”

“Suppose I could just put Aaron’s deck of cards in my bag. And I don’t think Nicky will mind if I cuddle with the buffalo stuffed animal we got him. And I can just throw away this plastic bag.”

Andrew glared at Neil. He glared harder when Neil laughed, kicking off his shoes and making as if to belly-flop right on top of Andrew. Andrew palmed one of his knives in warning, but Neil wasn’t scared.

He was never scared of Andrew.

*

“Do you think if we get him drunk, he’ll sing for us?” Nicky asked.

“No,” Andrew said.

“C’mon. I know you want it, too.”

“Stop.”

“Seriously,” Aaron agreed. “I don’t care whether Neil sings or not.”

“That’s because you’ve never heard it.”

“And I hope I never will.”

Neil came back to their table at Eden’s Twilight with a tray full of drinks and a can of soda for himself. Nicky pouted.

“Don’t you want just one shot, Neil?”

“No,” Neil said. He took a sip of his soda. Andrew downed two shots, and Aaron glared and stole one of Nicky’s. Nicky was too busy trying to get Neil to drink so he could sing to notice his drinks were being stolen.

“If I sing one song, will you stop trying to force alcohol down my throat?” Neil eventually asked, an hour later, when Nicky was decently inebriated and Aaron was gone.

“Oh my god,  _ yes _ ,” Nicky gushed, and then Neil sighed. Andrew tapped the rim of his empty shot glass and glared at Nicky, who pointedly did not look in Andrew’s direction.

Neil cleared his throat. He opened his mouth, and then hesitated and asked, “Is there anything, er, specific you want?”

Andrew thought about “Jolene,” but Nicky squealed and said, “Landslide!”

“That’s literally the slowest song in the world.”

“Oh, slower than your song you sing all the fucking time?” Nicky teased, and Neil, though he tried, couldn’t quite hide all of a flinch from Andrew.

Neil said defensively, “My mom used to sing me that song.”

Nicky, too drunk to notice Neil’s obvious discomfort, batted him away and started poorly singing  _ took my love took it down  _ until Neil shook his head and closed his eyes and started the song himself.

*

That night, after Neil and Andrew put two drunkies to bed, they disappeared to the bathroom to get ready themselves. Neil brushed his teeth first, and then he sat on the closed seat of the toilet as he waited for Andrew to finish. As soon as Andrew rinsed his mouth, he turned to Neil and stared at him. He looked exhausted, heavy bags under his eyes, pale skin, pale lips. His hair was thick and falling into his eyes. Andrew took a step forward, and another, until he was standing between Neil’s legs. He started combing his fingers through his hair. Neil tilted his face as if to look up at Andrew, but his eyes were closed.

“You need a haircut,” Andrew said.

Neil nodded.

Andrew kept combing and combing, studying Neil’s face and lips and nose until he noticed, there, at his roots—

Andrew grabbed a fistful of Neil’s hair and tugged. Neil opened his eyes immediately, and he looked alert. Andrew said, “What.”

Neil said, “Nothing.”

Andrew was angry. He said, “Why is your hair two different colors.”

Neil shrugged. He pushed Andrew’s hands out of his hair, and then he stood up. He looked jumpy, frantic suddenly. He said, “I should go.”

“Where?” Andrew asked. Where could he go at three in the morning, hours from campus and in a different town?

“Home,” Neil answered, and then he pushed passed Andrew and out the bathroom door and Andrew didn’t follow him because he didn’t want to.

*

Andrew didn’t see Neil again until Monday at lunch. Neil’s hair was a shiny brown, recently cut and apparently recently dyed, matching the dark brown of Neil’s eyes. He smiled when he saw Andrew. 

Andrew hated the sight of him.

*

“Oof, it smells so good in here.”

“How long do we have?”

“Fifteen minutes.”

“I want to be suffocated by this smell.”

“I can’t believe we never thought to do this before.”

“How long do we have now?”

“Still fifteen minutes, Jesus Christ.”

When the timer went off, Nicky, Aaron, Andrew, and Neil swarmed the stove. A waft of warm air puffed in their faces as soon as they opened the front, and Neil pulled out the two loaves of freshly baked bread.

“Let’s take a bite,” Nicky said.

“We have to let them cool,” Neil told him.

“I want a bite  _ now _ ,” Nicky said. One of his hands creeped toward the loaf Neil had dumped unceremoniously on a metal rack he had bought solely for cooling bread. Neil smacked his hand. Nicky yelped.

“It’ll be all crumly if I cut it now,” Neil said.

“ _ Crumly _ ?” Aaron asked. “What the fuck, are you five?”

“Are you?” Neil countered, also smacking Aaron’s reaching hand from the bread. “Stop. I’ll cut it.”

Neil shot a glance at Andrew to make sure his hand wasn’t making its way toward the bread, and then Neil pulled out the bread cutting knife and began sawing into the thick, hardened crust of one of the loaves. Nicky actually whimpered. Crumbs went everywhere.

“Children,” Neil lamented after distributing the slices, and then he met Andrew’s gaze and grinned as he shoved his own slice of bread in his mouth.

*

Andrew was walking with Neil around campus. He had twenty minutes until his next class, and he was listening as Neil explained the convoluted proof he would have to present to his math class tomorrow. Mostly Neil would talk with his hands, and then he’d realize what he was doing and put them at his sides, and then he’d start talking with them again, and then he’d drop them to his sides again. The back of his hand kept brushing the back of Andrew’s.

Annoyed after the fifth time, Andrew grasped Neil’s hand as soon as he dropped it and shoved it in Andrew’s coat pocket. Neil’s steps didn’t even stutter, nor did his words stop, and Andrew didn’t want to look up to see the expression on Neil’s face, but he kept his hand wrapped around Neil’s inside his pocket, and listened to him talk.

*

Neil was doing his homework in the library and Andrew was sitting across from him. Andrew had his headphones in, and he was watching a Twitch streamer open a pack of Pokémon cards, so he didn’t notice right away when Neil started singing. It was after midnight, and Neil looked exhausted, struggling through his English reading. But at some point, he had hit a stride, and was working through an outline of an essay, and Andrew had looked up and saw Neil’s lips moving, so he took out one headphone and heard Neil singing his comfort song again, two verses in, half humming and half singing,  _ I will dance your memories all of my days. _

“Don’t you know anything else?” Andrew asked.

Neil didn’t look up from his paper, but he did stop singing and he did smirk. “Any requests?”

“Boys of Summer,” Andrew said, without much thought. Neil’s smirk stretched into a grin, and then he started tragically beatboxing the opening tune.

*

There was a buzzing coming from underneath the pillows.

Neil groaned, possibly whined, and Andrew reached out a blind hand and smacked Neil’s head with weak fingers.

“Answer it,” Andrew demanded, though the buzz had only gone off once. His voice was thick with sleep.

Neil moaned again. Andrew felt him shift and move, groggy, until he found his phone. The light of his screen turned Andrew’s eyelids pink, but he didn’t open his eyes. After a second, Andrew heard Neil toss his phone onto the floor.

“Who’s texting you so early?” Andrew asked. Neil twisted and turned and ducked until he was completely submerged under the covers, his face melded to Andrew’s stomach. Neil sighed, and Andrew felt his breath warm the fabric of his shirt.

“Nobody,” Neil said, and then he was asleep again.

*

“Are you serious?”

“What?”

“Are you actually serious?”

“What? I thought this is what you wanted?”

“OMG, Neil,  _ yes _ , but I didn’t think you’d do it.”

“I don’t mind doing an open mic for you, Nicky.”

“What about all those times you minded before?”

“Well, I don’t mind doing one now.”

*

The open mic was at an indie bar downtown. Aaron disliked the place immediately.

“I hate it here,” he said.

“You didn’t have to come,” Nicky told him, pushing them all to a table closer to the front. Neil had disappeared to put his name on the list for the open mic.

“What is he gonna do since he doesn’t have a guitar? Sing silently on stage? I will actually walk out.”

“He said his friend would be here.”

“What fucking friend does Neil have?”

“Um, for starters, me?”

“Nicky, I swear to god you’re the only person in the world who does like Neil.”

“Nuh uh! What about Andrew?”

“I hate him,” Andrew said, and then sat down and stared at the stage and waited for Neil.

*

Neil walked out with Kevin in tow. Neil slid out the stool for Kevin to perch on and tune his guitar, and Neil stood, rigid and straight, at the microphone.

“Hi,” he said, his breath heavy and loud through the speaker, and a few people snickered. Aaron dropped his head in his hands. Nicky waved. Andrew watched.

Neil didn’t offer any other greeting or preamble. He gestured to Kevin to start playing, and then Neil started singing. No one was laughing anymore.

*

Neil sang three songs: an indie version of “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” which he had nodded to Nicky afterwards; “Jolene,” which he had winked at Andrew during; and then his comfort song, the one Andrew also knew by heart, the one he hated more than anything, but especially hated when Neil looked right at Andrew and said  _ joy in my heart _ and when he looked right at Andrew and said  _ I will go now  _ and looked right at Andrew and said  _ please don’t cry _ .

*

“Well, I hope you’re happy,” Aaron said. “Women haven’t stopped coming up to our table since you stepped off stage.”

Neil shrugged, sipping from his water, a casual arm thrown over the back of Andrew’s chair. “You seem pretty happy. What was her name again? The one who asked for your number? Katelyn?”

Aaron flushed and downed the rest of his beer. Nicky was in a heated debate with Kevin about the instrumental choice of Neil’s last song.

“The guitar was fine!” Nicky was saying.

“The original literally has bagpipes,” Kevin was arguing.

“Okay, and what, you’re just gonna pull some bagpipes out of your ass?”

“That would explain why Kevin’s so impossible to be around all the time,” Neil quipped, and Kevin reached behind Nicky to bop the back of his head. Andrew leaned forward, and Neil quickly slid his hand from the back of his chair to the back of Andrew’s neck. He slid his fingers up into Andrew’s hair, and after a minute, Andrew leaned back and relaxed again.

“What’s up with that song, anyways?” Nicky asked, turning to Neil. “What is it even about?”

“Some guys going off to war,” Neil said blandly, and then he leaned forward, his hand slipping from Andrew’s hair, and said, “You know, it’s funny how they sing about the mothers and fathers and children. But what about the spouses? Won’t they be upset, too?”

Neil and Kevin started arguing semantics, and Nicky went off to the bar to flirt with everyone, and Aaron ordered another beer and made moony eyes at the girl he exchanged numbers with, and Andrew went outside for a cigarette. A few minutes later, Neil came out to join him. He never really smoked the cigarettes, and Andrew had never bothered to ask why he would hold the filter close to his face instead of smoking.

*

The fire alarm was going off and everything smelled like smoke. Andrew woke up disoriented, but it didn’t take long for him to realize what was happening. He slid from his bed and out his bedroom door and found Aaron and Nicky standing in the hallway, glaring and sleep heavy and annoyed.

“Is there a fire?” Nicky yelled over the blare of the alarm.

“Just get the fuck out,” Andrew snapped back, and then he was herding them out the door and down the stairs with the flock of other disoriented college students, just off their midterm panic and trying to enjoy the first day of their spring break.

Nicky kept trying to get Andrew’s attention, but Andrew was trying to get Aaron outside, and he didn’t have time to listen to his cousin’s words until they were fifty feet away from the burning building and panting through the smoke clogging the air.

Andrew pulled out the spare cigarette he kept in his jacket pocket.

Aaron scowled at him. “Seriously?”

It wasn’t until Andrew finally deigned to look at his cousin that he registered what Nicky was asking him.

“Andrew,” Nicky said. “Where’s Neil?”

*

Neil had woken Andrew up at two that morning. He had nuzzled his nose into Andrew’s neck and whispered his name until Andrew woke up.

Neil had said, “I have to go.”

Andrew rolled over so his back was to Neil and his lips were away from his neck. “Go where?” Andrew asked, curling up against the wall.

“Home,” Neil whispered, and then he kissed Andrew once on the head. Neil got up and Andrew rolled back over to watch Neil put on his pants.

“I can drive you,” Andrew offered, but Neil shook his head. He wouldn’t look at Andrew. Andrew glared. “Fine.” Andrew watched as Neil walked to the door, and then Neil had turned back, just once, and smiled at Andrew before slipping out the door.

The room was dark—but not that dark, so Andrew wasn’t sure why he thought that Neil’s eyes looked lighter before he slipped away.

He woke up twenty minutes later to the alarm.

*

“He went home,” Andrew answered Nicky.

“What the fuck? When? Talk about a coincidence.”

Andrew took a drag of his cigarette. Something felt heavy in his chest.

*

Apparently all the dorm buildings had caught fire last night. There were five buildings on campus, and each had signs of arson and tampering on the first floor. Andrew hadn’t noticed because his family was fine, but there was a bit of pandemonium around them: ten people from their dorm had actually been taken to the ICU with intensive burns, and none of the other buildings had fared much better.

When they were finally allowed back inside, Andrew had immediately called Neil’s number. He hadn’t had any reason to call it before because Neil was usually around. Now, he called the number, and two seconds later it started to ring at his feet. 

Andrew looked down. He didn’t hang up the call as he bent and looked under his bed, finding Neil’s phone. 

It was at fifteen percent, and there was one missed call, one missed text, and Andrew’s current call going through. Neil had a picture of Andrew sucking on a popsicle as his contact photo, lips stained red and eyes glaring.

Andrew ended his call on Neil’s phone and opened Neil’s missed text message. It was from an unknown number, and it just had the number zero on it. When Andrew tried to call the number, it came back as disconnected. When Andrew called the other missed call’s number, it also came through as disconnected.

Andrew opened the contacts on Neil’s phone: Andrew, Nicky, and Kevin. He opened Neil’s school email. He found two emails from classmates asking for Neil’s help on assignments, complete with “lol”s and winky-faces. Neil hadn’t replied. One teacher sent an email to see if Neil wanted to participate in the undergraduate research convention coming soon. Neil had replied, “maybe.”

Andrew dropped the phone. Stood up, looked around his room. It was five in the morning, and everything was very quiet. Andrew could hear himself breathing.

He looked down at his own phone clenched in his fist and started calling the hospitals in the area, asking if they had taken in a patient named Neil Josten from the campus fires, or someone with brown hair and brown eyes, or someone who had a problem taking simple orders, or someone who was a fucking idiot.

*

It was Monday after spring break, and Neil didn’t meet Andrew for lunch. It was Tuesday, and Neil didn’t come over to see him. It was Wednesday, and Neil didn’t meet Andrew for lunch. It was Thursday, and Andrew stopped calling the hospitals. It was Friday, and Neil didn’t meet Andrew for lunch.

It was Saturday, and Andrew was in the shower, thinking about the number zero. It was Sunday, and Andrew hadn’t eaten, hadn’t slept, hadn’t spoken a word.

It was Monday, and Neil didn’t meet Andrew for lunch.

*

“Someone needs to do something. This isn’t healthy.”

“I’m not talking to him.”

“You’re his brother!”

“You’re his guardian!”

“Aaron!”

“I’m not touching that thing with a six foot pole.”

“Did you just call your brother a  _ thing _ ?”

“Well, I wouldn’t call him a person.”

“You really haven’t heard from Neil?”

“No. He’s a piece of shit. I tried to tell you. I tried to tell Andrew. Now look what’s happened.”

“I don’t know. I just don’t think that Neil would leave like this. I haven’t even seen him around campus.”

“He’s gone, Nicky. You need to wake up. Andrew needs to shower. We all need to get over this.”

*

Three weeks after Neil disappeared and Andrew finally saw Kevin. They were both at the student café, Andrew staring vaguely at the granola bars and Kevin buying a pack of Skittles. Kevin looked haggard, and exhausted, with bloodless lips and a green and yellow black eye, and when he saw Andrew, he flinched.

Andrew walked up to him. Kevin looked like he wanted to run away, so Andrew fisted his hand in the front of Kevin’s shirt and tugged him down to eye level with Andrew.

“Quite the shiner, Kevin Day,” Andrew said.

Kevin sucked in his lips and bit down, saying nothing. Andrew shook him once. “Where did he go, Kevin?”

Kevin still refused to speak, so Andrew punched him in the stomach. Kevin crumpled over, huffing out a breath. The clerk was watching with wide eyes, so Andrew saluted her before returning his attention to Kevin. Andrew leaned down and said in his ear, “What did he do, Kevin? Why did he leave?”

When Kevin still refused to speak, Andrew forced Kevin to stand straight before slapping pitifully at his cheeks, as if trying to wake him. “Come on, Day. Focus. Where did he go?”

Kevin took a deep breath, and then he finally wrenched himself out of Andrew’s hold—not hard, when Andrew was so weak from exhaustion and something else—and spat, “Baltimore.”

“And what’s in Baltimore, Kevin?” Andrew asked, but Kevin shook his head, lips pursed, and then Kevin was walking outside and Andrew was following. 

Fine. If Kevin wanted to play, they’d play.

*

Someone reported the fight, but Kevin and Andrew had left by the time the police arrived. They had disappeared to a diner and Kevin was in the bathroom washing his face and rinsing his hands, and Andrew was sitting at their table, staring down at his shaking hands and watching the blood drip down from his broken nose and splash on the table.

“You need to set that,” Kevin said as soon as he returned and sat across from Andrew. He now had two black eyes and blood trailing down his ear from when Andrew bit him.

Andrew reached up and snapped his nose back in place. Kevin flinched at the quick movement. “Jesus,” he said, and then Andrew asked, “Why Baltimore?” His voice was nasally and muted, his throat thick with blood.

Kevin sighed. “He made me promise not to tell you.”

“I don’t give a shit.”

Kevin sighed again. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Kevin.”

Kevin flinched. And then he took a deep breath.

*

Andrew walked home so he could get his keys to drive fourteen hours to Maryland, and when he made it to his hallway, campus security was standing beside his RA who was standing in front of his door and he heard them say, “…you’re sure you know him?”

“What’s left of him, anyways,” he heard Aaron grumble, and then Andrew was at his door and shoving the security guard out of his way and accidentally knocking his RA to the ground and there was Neil, covered in dirt and bandages and blood, and then Neil was shoving the security guard away from grabbing Andrew and Neil was curling over his hands and falling to his knees and Andrew was in front of him.

*

“When was the last time you ate?” Neil asked.

Andrew ripped off one of the bandages on Neil’s cheek and found four knife wounds.

“And what is up with all this blood on your face?” Neil asked.

Andrew ripped off the other bandage and stared at the burn.

“You big disgrace?” Neil said softly, a hesitant smile on his face, and Andrew shoved the bandages he had in his hand into Neil’s mouth, who didn’t try to stop him.

“Um, dude, that is highly unsanitary,” Aaron said.

“Andrew, what the fuck, that is so gross,” Nicky said.

Neil held Andrew’s gaze, keeping the disgusting bandages in his mouth as he waited for Andrew to make his next move. Andrew had shoved two fingers in Neil’s mouth to shut him up. He hadn’t eaten properly in days. His hands were still shaking from his fight with Kevin.

Neil said, “Hi.”

“I hate you,” Andrew said.

Neil smiled around Andrew’s fingers and said, “Did you break your nose, too?”

Andrew looked up at his brother, his cousin, the baffled security guard, the miffed RA, and said, “Get out.”

*

“I don’t want to take a bath.”

“I don’t care.”

“Can’t we take a shower instead?”

“No.”

“I’m not getting in there.”

“If you argue with me one more time, I’m going to finish the job.”

“Good fucking luck, mate— _ shit,  _ Andrew, stop!”

*

Neil’s head was tipped back as he lazed in the tub, his arms—wrapped in garbage bags—were resting on the edge of the bathtub. He was humming, but not any song Andrew knew.

Andrew’s fingers were scrubbing at the grime in Neil’s scalp. After a minute of Neil humming, Andrew asked, “What is that.”

“Oh. Um. Sorry. I don’t have anything in my pockets, so I guess I'm happy to see you?”

Andrew pulled at Neil’s hair, hard. “The song,” he said.

Neil laughed. “Right. Kinda bluesy. Do you like blues?”

“No.”

Neil continued singing, eyes closed:  _ until my final days; in longing I will roam _ .

Andrew pushed Neil’s shoulder until he submerged under the water, and then he scrubbed the suds out of his strands. When he came back up, Andrew asked, “Why.”

“Why what?”

“Why did you come back.” Neil had explained to Andrew that after the FBI saved him from his father, they offered witness protection, but he said no. And then they took all his money and made him a real person and then sent him on his way. Neil, with no phone, no money, and no one to call, had hitchhiked from Baltimore to Columbia, where on the way he had been caught stealing, been mugged, lived homeless and horrifically dirty, until he made it home to Andrew.

Neil’s mood instantly shifted at Andrew’s question. He hesitated for a moment before leaning forward and hugging his knees. “I just wanted to see you one last time. To thank you. I had only meant to stay here one semester so I could experience what college was like before I went to the FBI. I was just so tired, you know?” Neil wouldn’t look at him. “I had been running and alone for so long, and when I ran into Kevin at orientation, I let him convince me it would be okay to stay. Just for a little while.” Neil snuck a glance at Andrew. “And then I met you. And I wanted to stay longer.”

Andrew stared at Neil, at his bruised and battered face, his bloodshot blue eyes, so tired—his scarred skin flushed from the hot water, glistening with soap suds and essential oils. Andrew looked down at his own hands—bruised and swollen, knuckles scratched and scabbed.

He looked back at Neil, slid a hand up Neil curved back until it was tangled in his hair again, before pulling him back to relax on the wall of the tub. Neil looked at him with wide eyes.

“So stay,” Andrew said, and then stood up to take his shirt off. 

**Author's Note:**

> tw: this is a day 0 rewrite. neil will get kidnapped. his torture is not described. his wounds are not described. andrew and kevin will fight but only their after-wounds are described. its a little angsty.
> 
> i woke up one day with the intense desire to write day 0 from andrew’s pov. i decided to make it an au. i wanted andrew to be blindsided, but i also wanted the audience to Know what was about to happen. this isn't my most favorite thing i've written, but i'm satisfied. 
> 
> thanks for reading i love you


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